life, love, poetry, self, thoughts, Uncategorized

A war bigger

In 1918 my grandma was born before the end of the war

Four years before my grandpa was born at the start

And one hundred something years on, I care

Too much for two islands in my heart

I still swear that ten years back my life began

From across a wide ocean, I spoke in tongues

Like an intraverse of spoken land

A war bigger than the world

I continue into the unspoken one

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life, passion, poetry, self, thoughts, Uncategorized

Sticking to my guts

I can’t stop telling this story

Of how my hands betray me

My fingertips slip then my foot trips

The darkness buttoning my insides

I want to stop telling this story

About my eyes shuddering in the mirror

Butterflies standing in hindsight

My eyelashes fluttering, their wings spring

Up and back into my stomach

Tummy rumbling like volcanic ash

Sticking to my guts like this story

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life, love, passion, poetry, self, thoughts, Uncategorized

Gold Bones

I can finally use this

Breath shaped like dragon’s scales

I can finally catch my own words

And curl my cheeks

I can finally close my eyes

Feeling your blue stare

My heart is opening

Has for four years or more

Finally, I use my smokey spirit

Fire kindled by my woodsy roots

I can finally feel it

I can finally feel you

I’ll take these coins and

They’ll ripple over my body

Ethereal clouds

My bones are GOLD

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life, love, passion, poetry, rhyming, self, spirituality, Uncategorized

That magnanimous dark night sky

Melting like velvet on my thigh

I thought I glimpsed the sparkle, the shine

I thought I knew every inch of this heart of mine

Thirstier, ravenous for sand than your bed

Led my legs tangled up in lead thread

Held up like your words in my cage

Ribs so full I confused love for rage

I’m sorry, I’m so shamed in the end

Of how I pretend, I cannot defend…

This dark night sky hugs my shadows

It holds, folds my knees, clenching dear foes

Though the foe is my worst fear

It’s just the sand in my belly, it’s here.

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love, poetry, rhyming, romance, self, sex, thoughts, Uncategorized

This dark slumber

I’ll remind you of the touch my hand,

Ahead of thousands of seconds that pass by

Our rosy young cheeks and cheeky tongues.

Remind me that you were mine,

With round eyes colored by ocean waves.

Bless me with a waking morning soon

When we are not parted by a dozen moons.

Find me sleeping with our words and punctuation

Under a bridge of running, unbridled water,

Wake me gently from this dark slumber.

 

 

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blogging, depression, learning, life, loneliness, love, self, thoughts, Uncategorized

Undeserving by association

I’m lonely and sad.  Not as sad I have been before – the sharp pain of feeling like I have no one is not exactly the only companion I have any longer.  That pain moved on, and instead I’m truly alone, not feeling empty, but seeing the empty space that was once loneliness now reminds me how I truly feel about myself.  At some point in my young life I saw meaninglessness in following the things that brought me joy and made me feel, just to make myself stop feeling, and by association I became undeserving of joy.  That was the path that I had built for myself up until now.  Now I keep tentatively following the pavement of that path, but trying to look around – backwards, forwards, to every side, up and down sometimes – to get myself out of here.  I can see many other paths, paths that don’t even require pavement or anything, that are so much more suitable.

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