blogging, depression, love, passion, self, thoughts, Uncategorized

The most beautiful/painful love.

I have been in love for almost eleven years

The most beautiful love I have and will ever feel

And since we are taught to act according to logic

I have tried again and again to shut this feeling out

It’s nothing like the average heart could compare to

In fact, I sometimes wish I couldn’t experience it

Instead, feeling satisfied with a normal man seems better

But my heart and my head fight so fucking much

It’s like I can’t make up my mind

So I pull and push him away over and over

I can’t imagine how painful it is for him

Probably as painful as it is for me to never hear from him

Our dynamic has been poisoned by the earth

Until we learn how to create a remedy

Just for us.

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passion, poetry, rhyming, romance, self, Uncategorized

Free

I can see you opening a box

Pale blue and glowing

And inside that box is the thing

That I’ve dreamed of knowing.

I think you’re able to see it

Whenever you have desired

But I’ve been searching for it

For so long and I’m so tired.

My heart suddenly realized

Why I’ve been so enamored

It was the recognition of you

Within me, the illusion shattered.

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blogging, depression, life, loneliness, love, passion, poetry, sadness, self, thoughts, Uncategorized

An Ode to My Greatest Challenge

Why can’t I let myself draw?

Do I loathe who I am so much that

When I sit down, either cross-legged or

One leg up on my stool at the desk

I freeze

My heart, my brain, my hand

The muscles are failing and sore because

Apparently I trained… myself, to do this… to myself

From a very young age.

I’m a protector.

If it can’t be perfect, then I don’t make the attempt

And if I don’t attempt, I cannot be mocked

For failing at the thing that I absolutely adore the most

The very thing that used to keep me alive.

I can’t let myself draw

Because then I don’t have to face that face in the mirror

The absolute adoring love hidden, somewhere in my house

That I apparently hid away long ago

In order to

Protect.

The love that I have been running away from

So that I don’t experience the disappointment

Of never feeling wanted

Or desired

And satisfied.

 

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life, love, poetry, rhyming, romance, self, sex, thoughts, Uncategorized

Almost There

I’ll never stop biting the liquid off of your back

Cheek leaning on the palm of my languid lack

It’s eating away like vinegar on my tongue

Dripping like an impulse of invigoration unsung

 

And then there’s the sound of the softness of your invitation

The hesitation in my lips and your musical sensation

In which I redirect the childlike mind running my heart

I dream of petrifying our past and finally getting our start

 

 

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life, love, poetry, self, thoughts, Uncategorized

A war bigger

In 1918 my grandma was born before the end of the war

Four years before my grandpa was born at the start

And one hundred something years on, I care

Too much for two islands in my heart

I still swear that ten years back my life began

From across a wide ocean, I spoke in tongues

Like an intraverse of spoken land

A war bigger than the world

I continue into the unspoken one

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