blogging, depression, love, passion, self, thoughts, Uncategorized

The most beautiful/painful love.

I have been in love for almost eleven years

The most beautiful love I have and will ever feel

And since we are taught to act according to logic

I have tried again and again to shut this feeling out

It’s nothing like the average heart could compare to

In fact, I sometimes wish I couldn’t experience it

Instead, feeling satisfied with a normal man seems better

But my heart and my head fight so fucking much

It’s like I can’t make up my mind

So I pull and push him away over and over

I can’t imagine how painful it is for him

Probably as painful as it is for me to never hear from him

Our dynamic has been poisoned by the earth

Until we learn how to create a remedy

Just for us.

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passion, poetry, rhyming, romance, self, Uncategorized

Free

I can see you opening a box

Pale blue and glowing

And inside that box is the thing

That I’ve dreamed of knowing.

I think you’re able to see it

Whenever you have desired

But I’ve been searching for it

For so long and I’m so tired.

My heart suddenly realized

Why I’ve been so enamored

It was the recognition of you

Within me, the illusion shattered.

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blogging, depression, life, loneliness, love, passion, poetry, sadness, self, thoughts, Uncategorized

An Ode to My Greatest Challenge

Why can’t I let myself draw?

Do I loathe who I am so much that

When I sit down, either cross-legged or

One leg up on my stool at the desk

I freeze

My heart, my brain, my hand

The muscles are failing and sore because

Apparently I trained… myself, to do this… to myself

From a very young age.

I’m a protector.

If it can’t be perfect, then I don’t make the attempt

And if I don’t attempt, I cannot be mocked

For failing at the thing that I absolutely adore the most

The very thing that used to keep me alive.

I can’t let myself draw

Because then I don’t have to face that face in the mirror

The absolute adoring love hidden, somewhere in my house

That I apparently hid away long ago

In order to

Protect.

The love that I have been running away from

So that I don’t experience the disappointment

Of never feeling wanted

Or desired

And satisfied.

 

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life, love, passion, poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

Fuck the devil over

I don’t make deals with the devil

Looking for fame or fortune or love

I’m the one who fucks the devil over

By doing whatever the hell I want

My passion overcoming all

The physical, the mental, the emotional

With a single smirk on my face

Because I know…

I know more than he ever will

About the light in my hands and heart

I have a thousand scars

From a thousand million lives

Oh finally, I love them all

The beauty of scars makes me feel high

High like I’m riding on

Through the rainbow light

And laugh at the attempts to erase

With darkness over my eyes

I can’t make a deal with the devil

I already gave myself everything

I’ll fuck him over

With this smirk on my lips

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life, passion, poetry, self, thoughts, Uncategorized

Sticking to my guts

I can’t stop telling this story

Of how my hands betray me

My fingertips slip then my foot trips

The darkness buttoning my insides

I want to stop telling this story

About my eyes shuddering in the mirror

Butterflies standing in hindsight

My eyelashes fluttering, their wings spring

Up and back into my stomach

Tummy rumbling like volcanic ash

Sticking to my guts like this story

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